Dr. Dara Bushman is a psychologist and author who appears on numerous media outlets sharing expertise on COVID counseling, trauma, and wellness. She lives in Asheville, NC. This is a contributor-submitted Voices piece. Want to join the conversation? We invite you to write for us. Learn how to share your voice here.
COVID – You don’t want to think it can happen to you, UNTIL IT DOES!
Dear anyone who thinks they are an invincible immortal, anyone who has fear of mortality, and everyone on this planet who has an opinion about COVID-19,
Maybe you thought COVID happens to other people, or COVID won’t happen to you. Maybe you felt bad for others as you gallivanted around not being cautious (like NOT really cautious)? Or maybe you quarantined literally like your life depended on it?
I don’t know your thoughts on coronavirus, but I know you have them! I am not writing this for sympathy or empathy. I don’t need anyone to feel for me. I need you to hear me. Consider this a PSA= Public Service Announcement.
I HAVE COVID-19. It has been awful, scary, painful and humbling. It has brought me to my knees – literally and figuratively. Not only have I been in distress, but my husband is COVID-positive too. My husband had a pre-existing medical condition, and it has been mortifying to see the capacity of how this illness has weakened him, sickened him, and compromised his health – threatening our whole lives.
When the threat of COVID first hit, I respected it and took safety precautions. I diligently followed CDC recommendations and we quarantined. Early in the pandemic, my cousin lost a dear, young, vibrant father, husband, teacher, beloved community member and HEALTHY family friend. I hysterically cried when I watched the interview of his widowed wife on CNN. That loss did not happen in vain for me. Nor did all the other close friends impacted and those who have died from this devastating illness.
I watched Chris Cuomo through his on-air battle with this ugly disease and commended his bravery for speaking up and making his suffering matter for the good of mankind. So many soldiers have stood tall. So many doctors, nurses, front-line workers and people have risked their lives for our health and our freedom.
I did not let my guard down. I did not stop being cautious. My children did not hug their grandmother. I did not touch anyone for months. Did I pick it up from a rest stop as we drove up to North Carolina after I didn’t go anywhere in public for 10 weeks? I was masked and gloved and literally walked around with wipes and sprayed sanitizer. Did I get it from going on walks while maintaining social distancing, at least six feet? I was the crazy person dodging people to get out of the way to avoid any contact or non-contact. Did I get it from someone that did not know they were carrying it? Did I get it from someone that knew they had it, but did not take their responsibility seriously? I do not know how I got it, nor do I know when. I may never know. What I do know is in this moment I am grateful to be able to have clear enough vision to be typing this and the lucidity to hopefully make some sense. I have had high fevers, hallucinations at night, loss of smell and taste, blurry eyesight, dehydration, tingling lips, chills that felt like knives radiating within, body aches and pains like nothing ever experienced before, dizziness, swollen lymph nodes, the inability to go up a flight of stairs without sitting down to catch my breath, fatigue that makes it a challenge to barely lift my body. Laughing takes my breath away…and the list unfortunately continues.
My symptoms are minimal to the comparison of what my husband is suffering. We thought we just got a virus. My husband was initially tested with negative results. We had a false sense of security. My flu manifested and worsened until it was evident. I was infected and finally we both tested positive. In receipt of our results we were in two different states. I was in North Carolina with the kids while my husband returned to Florida for work and medical appointments. His symptoms starting happening rapidly. I have our two loves, Elyah and Nevin. By the grace of God, they are healthy and have not been affected physically. What has been affected is potentially their future and perspective of the world. Elyah is six. She had a nightmare that her daddy got bitten by a poisonous snake. He did in reality; he was bitten by COVID. They are why I am WRITING SO LOUD, they are my reason. Recently, I shared my thoughts on racism and #BLACKLIVESMATTER as a mother and wife in a multi-cultural and interracial family. COVID DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE BECAUSE YOU ARE GOOD OR BAD. WE NEED THINGS BETTER. WE NEED THINGS TO BE DIFFERENT FOR HUMANITY. My children’s daddy is all alone suffering, but with the guidance of our angel family doctor keeping him stable. Could this have been prevented?
CORONAVIRUS IS A BEAST. IT IS NO JOKE. IT IS CUNNING, BAFFLING, AND HORRID.
I share with you what a dear friend sent me regarding her sentiments on Chris Cuomo:
“You know it’s so interesting, because I as I was listening to Chris Cuomo talk, I thought it was funny that he had originally said that this virus wants you to lie down and do nothing, but he personally made himself get up and move because he thought that you had to do the opposite of what the virus was making you want to do. Does that make any sense? I mean, what if you’re exhausted and you can’t be up and around because the virus wants you to lie down? I distinctly remember him saying he did the opposite of what the virus wanted him to do. 🤦🏻♀️”
Once again, everyone will have their differences and their two cents of what a COVID recovery should look like. But first, can we revisit what we think the COVID defense (and offense) should be? Are you doing your part? Can you in good sense say you are acting responsibly not just for you, but for others? Do you think if you don’t have symptoms you can’t hurt other people? Really, have a heart to heart with yourself and ask whether you are doing what needs to be done to ensure safety and wellness for all.
My family and I will move forward. We will get stronger and we will all be back together soon. Because this too shall pass. I am not lying down for the virus and I am not lying down my passion to spread a message of kindness, health, and consideration.
My rant comes to an end. I will come off my soapbox (for a moment). But my story keeps going. What is your part in this chapter and how will your character play it out next?
Warmly,
Your no bull-shiFt, let’s make shiFt happen together, advice giving, tangent typing, Covid-19 healing Mom, Psychologist and soon to be actively living again, Dr. Dara
Follow Dr. Dara on social media at @drdarabushman.
