Dr. Dara Bushman is a psychologist and author who appears on numerous media outlets sharing expertise on COVID counseling, trauma, and wellness. She lives in Asheville, NC. This is a contributor-submitted Voices piece. Want to join the conversation? We invite you to write for us. Learn how to share your voice here.
Dear anyone that feels like they are doing a circus act to maintain balance,
As a kid, I envisioned the picture perfect ideal of a mother as Donna Reed from the black and white sitcom my mom watched, called The Donna Reed Show. The mom kept her cool and looked like she had everything under control. Gratefully, that concept and idea blew out of the water and erased from my mind quicker than it came. Reality set in when I had my own children and my vision shiFted to a woman and a mom being like an octopus with right tentacles. Each tentacle doing different things all at THE SAME time. Moms slithering around in quiet movement making it all look effortless and smooth. In REAL-REAL REALITY, being a woman or mom in this current world is like a graceful island woman with a basket full of fruit on her head. As I move one piece of fruit to maintain balance, or shiFt to get the next piece back in the right position, another piece wiggles loose and plummets to the ground, leaving me yet even more off balance! For the modern day woman accomplishing tasks is like a circus clown juggling fire balls!
Throw a couple pandemic fruit bombs inside the basket and then sprinkle some COVID on it, and you then have the perfect recipe for a fruit salad disaster (that is putting it mildly). So, how do we get this fruit basket to balance on our head or get our tentacles effortlessly doing tasks?
I have been giving this a lot of thought. I am the first one to continuously talk about the traumatic impact COVID has caused for our community physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. How can I not? I have literally been in its trenches. In some ways my husband and I still are. Gratefully, in a much milder capacity. But, this CPVOD sh*t is real. Randy continues to get stronger with a few setbacks along the way. Last weekend he was rushed to the hospital with concerns he was having a heart attack. He didn’t, but after the scare subsided, his erratic blood pressure and symptoms continued with all indications pointing to COVID Syndrome and all the unknowns that it can continue to cause. There is no scientific evidence or research to know how long it lasts. Everyone has a different healing journey. I am very strong and well. I have made dramatic choices to heal my body from the inside out to clear up residual symptoms I still experience. My eyesight has rapidly deteriorated. My taste and smell have not returned in full force. I used to gag from eating raw onions, and now don’t flinch from crunching them in mouthfuls. I can eat spicy food like a warrior while my husband is brought to tears! The blood results of my post-COVID levels look like a Pac Man game with the numbers all over the place, mainly affecting my thyroid and red blood cells. I recently heard Chris Cuomo talk about his red blood cells being low. He described how COVID has affected his mind and his body like nothing he has experienced before. I concur. I still have weird anxiety that leaves me shaky and almost disoriented. I become easily frazzled and irritable. I scramble for words as my brain and mouth somehow got disconnected! I will never know or understand the magnitude of how COVID can show up for any of us.
We can all agree that living in times of a pandemic is uncharted territory and full of surprises. Do not dismiss what I am about to say as cavalier, insensitive, or minimizing the disastrous impact of the pandemic. Hear me first before you shun me. The only way through this pandemic and COVID is out of it! Duhhhh, you say! It is time for us to see ourselves on the other side of this. It is time for us to talk and act as if the pandemic is behind us. I am not saying don’t #maskitup or don’t #respectsocialdistancing. I am proposing we #maskitup, #respectsocialdistancing, and act like a collaborative, respectful, and healthy community. I am also suggesting we begin to talk about other things in our life like spending time with family and friends and traveling. Again, I am the one constantly posting tips on how to cope in a pandemic, etc. I am also the one claiming exercise is the miracle cure for health and wellness! I am not going to stop my rants, but I am also not going to get stuck here. Let’s talk and play out our lives #AFTERCOVID. Nothing will change if nothing changes. I have said this before and repeat –
HOW YOU SHOW UP FOR COVID IS HOW YOU SHOW UP FOR LIFE!
There will always be a crisis, there will always be stressors. There will always be SOMETHING! This is the opportunity to balance things out and in some instances press the restart button. If you want to know how life will look for you in 60 or 90 days, then ask yourself, what you are doing TODAY? Don’t tell me what you will start tomorrow. So look inside your fruit basket and reorganize the contents. Make sure it balances and move on with your life RIGHT NOW.
Life, like your fruit basket, is a balancing act. So, put the fruit back in your basket, put the basket back on your head, and keep balancing.
Warmly,
Your no bull-shiFt, COVID SURVIVOR, advice giving, shame abolishing, Covid-19 RANTING, Mom, Psychologist, friend and wife, Dr. Dara
